Monday, May 05, 2008

me.


So, being a photographer has done odd things to my perception of my self. I've never been one who enjoyed seeing myself in photos. I would get really excited when I saw a photo that I looked good in, especially as they seemed to be so rare. My wedding day was one of my best photo days ever. I like nearly all of my wedding pictures. Since motherhood, though, and the ensuing frequent days/weeks on end where I apply little to no makeup, I've found that I struggle to enjoy my own appearance. Now that I'm hours away from turning 30, I can't help but ponder how I will continue to feel about myself and my appearance. I think I'm okay looking, but 99% of the time, when I see photos of myself, I just go, "Crap. I thought I looked better." The hormones of motherhood have not been the most friendly to my skin, and I feel it's nature's cruel joke that I had less than half a dozen zits all through adolescence, but in my late 20s they all seem to have caught up with me (though it is better than it used to be). I'm also feeling a real need to find a new hairstyle. This picture captures a rare sight--me with my hair down. I keep reading on "hairstyle" websites that if you have an oval face you can pull off any 'do. I thought my face was rather oval, but the way my long hair seems to stretch it out makes me think that perhaps it isn't the right 'do for me. I think my features look best when my hair is away from my face, which is why I wear it up almost all of the time. Well, that and the fact that blowdrying my hair is right up there with, oh I dunno, something dreadfully tedious.

Anyways, I took a whole bunch of random pictures of myself on Sunday, then proceeded to play around in photoshop. So this is me, slightly enhanced & without color.

8 comments:

Kirbell said...

You look so great! Skinny and pretty. I feel your pain about "pictures of myself." Ugh! Maybe if I used Photoshop a little more? I could start with a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow...

andrea said...

Cute! Happy Birthday!! Now you are Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving!!
have a great celebratory day!

mindy said...

thanks, kir. :o) I take comfort in the fact that pretty much every single picture we see in magazines is photoshopped, except for those "candid" ones they snap of celebrities to make us feel better. And those are usually shot from far away!

The one thought I forgot to finish in my original post (it was after my bedtime, after all!) was that being a photographer I find that I look at people less critically now. I don't think I was ever one to judge someone harshly because of their looks, but now I'm better at focusing on what makes a face appealing and interesting. There's a young adult series of books (Uglies) that I read recently and it was great to make me think about our ideals of beauty, and if we would really want to live in a world where everyone is picture perfect. The diversity of us all is what makes us beautiful.

Debra said...

Hello Birthday Girl. I hate to break it to you but you are a HOTTIE whether your hair is up, down, sideways and whether or not you have applied make-up or some nifty PhotoShop filter. It's just the way it is. Your genetic make-up and the 30 years you have been alive have been good to you, and it's only going to get better. I know you didn't write this post looking for any type of validation but I just think you should know how objective, third-parties feel.

I think most of us know how it feels to question our own appearance, especially when it comes to photos, but believe me
Girl, you have nothing to worry about. And even if you were the ugliest person alive . . . you'd still have nothing to worry about because it would only take a few minutes with you for someone to see how TRULY beautiful you are.

Enjoy your birthday! Can I stop by tonight or will you be busy partying?

mindy said...

awww, I knew there was good reason for all of you being my favorite people! :o) You're too kind.

Debra, I think I will be home later this evening...about 8 or so. You can give me a call to check.

Dean said...

um, happy birthday today?!

Karen said...

cute--i love how you respond to everyone :o) happy late birthday! i hope it was good. my 30th was in december and honestly, it was a hard day. i didn't realize how hard it would be...
anyway, you are TOTALLY cute, as always. i do LOVE your short Wien hair, i have to say. that's how i remember you best :o) hope you had a fantastic bday!!!

mindy said...

thank you dean! Yup, today!

and thanks to you, too, Karen. Nice to see you around! Yeah, I'm thinking I'll go back to above the shoulder. I have an acquaintance (I think she'll be a friend eventually) who does hair out of her home and she's agreed to do a consult with me and help me figure out my next style move. :o) It's been so long since I had an actual 'do, I feel kind of ridiculous trying to style my hair lately. I used to know the ins and outs of pomades and hair goo, but alas, how quickly we forget when our lives are full of other shtuff.