ponderings

While visiting my parents this last week, I pulled some of my mom's Erma Bombeck books of the shelf to peruse. I remember being aware as a child that my mom enjoyed Erma's writing, and I remember her column in the newspaper. I think I even went so far as to crack open a couple of the books to get a laugh. But oddly, at the ripe age of 10 or 12, the humors of domesticity, motherhood and marriage didn't appeal to me. But it's amazing what two decades, a husband, two kids and a house can do to one's perspective. One thing that struck me was how little has changed in the realm of mothering since 1976 when she published Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession. I'd also say that motherhood probably hasn't changed much over the past 1000 years, but I don't think that is true. The Industrial Revolution changed motherhood, and family life in general, drastically by moving fathers out of the home and leaving mothers as the sole caretakers in the home, and also by suburbanizing life for these mothers and children. Additional children were no longer an asset by being extra farm workers or contributors to the family economy, but rather a liability that must be educated and provided for.

But back to Erma... what's not to love and laugh about from a woman who said

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."

I also read her very autobiographical A Marriage Made in Heaven, or Too Tired For An Affair. In this book she chronicles her marriage to her husband and their journeys through parenthood, home buying, dual careers, illness, retirement, etc. Something I found particularly interesting was her account of the beginning of the feminist movement. She writes that Betty Friedan came to her town to give a lecture, and she and her friends attending, expecting to laugh and be entertained by a woman who knows what their lives were like. This was not the case. Erma writes that Betty expected an anger that they didn't feel, and rather than feel compelled to join with her, the women felt defensive and threatened by the attitudes of this woman who should have been "one of them."

This prompted me to ask my own mother what her impressions were of the Equal Rights Amendment at the time. She said that she felt strongly that the Equal Pay for Equal Work was important and is still something that hasn't been successfully dealt with, but she did not have favorable views of Betty Friedan and the majority of her goals. She said the worst thing to come out of the feminist movement was an attitude that men are obsolete or irrelevant, and she thinks that has caused a lot of damage, especially with so many single mothers who have chosen to raise kids on their own, the children grow up without a male authority figure, which can be particularly hard for the sons. It was interesting to hear her thoughts on the matter. Especially in light of the several hours I was able to spend in the company of fellow feminist Mormon housewives over the weekend.

I am very glad to live in this generation and in this country, with all its myriad shortcomings and failings, that allow women so many opportunities. To imagine the pain of being a woman in many Asian countries today, where every time you conceive you hope desperately for a male child, as their chances for survival, health and happiness greatly exceed those of a female child. To live a difficult existence where you would grieve for your daughter at her birth, knowing all that she would suffer and her limited opportunities and dependence upon men for every necessity and pleasure in life. What a sad and desperate existence.