Saturday, January 03, 2009

one month to go

Baby #3 is due one month from today. I have to say, in the midst of my excitement and anticipation, I'm a bit panicky and apprehensive. I feel like I've gotten the hang of being a two-kid family, and I've heard from many people that the adjustment to three kids is a big one because now the parents are outnumbered. Also, after having experienced two babies, I know that the newborn-infant stage is really demanding and really draining for me. After Spud was born, I had about four months of post-partum depression, and I can't help but feel a bit nervous about that possibility again. I like to think that I'm in a better environment and have more resources and supportive people now, but it was such a dark time in my life that I feel a bit anxious. That was one reason I really didn't want to have another winter baby, but sometimes things don't go exactly as planned. I'm really grateful that we are pretty set (since we've had one of each gender) as far as clothes and such go, and since we cloth diaper we won't have that expense, nor the expense of formula since we breastfeed, but boy it would be nice to be in a better financial situation.

Since I've been so busy this pregnancy (working, photography stuff, homeschooling...) I don't feel like I've had a lot of time to absorb the reality or focus on welcoming this new baby to our home. Of course I was busy during my pregnancies with the other two (finishing grad school right up until the end with Spud), but I've just felt especially distracted and stretched thin these past several months. And that makes me more nervous about the possibility of the PPD--I don't feel like I'm emotionally prepared. Of course, I'm guessing part of the "lack of focus" just comes with the territory of having multiple children. You have so much going on that you just have to keep doing what needs to be done.

So, yeah. How's that for a fair amount of angst? In spite of all my concerns, I am very excited to meet this little person. I hope that when s/he arrives, we'll be able to quickly settle on a name! Nothing has really settled or seemed quite right just yet, which is also different from the other two. A few of the names that I rather like have gotten rather popular, and I try to avoid anything in the top 100. I think maybe I need to ask David for a blessing and also just spend some time visualizing my "new" life as a mother of three. It might be enough to help me feel a bit more stable and prepared emotionally.


These Four Walls said...

The last few months I have been feeling the prompting that there is another baby in our near future. I couldn't be more scared. I totally wasn't ready for my daughter and things are good right now. I love having 2 kids and am enjoying my 3 year old and my 15 month old.

Through the births of my children, I have learned that Heavenly Father is in charge and knows what is best for me. As a control freak/planner that was a hard thing for me to learn. The great thing is that Heavenly Father knows what we can handle and what will bring us the greatest joy - even when we don't! Amazingly things just always work out. It will for you too.

Just think, this time you have two great helpers to change diapers (maybe), get you something to eat or drink while you are nursing, etc., etc., etc.

3in3mom said...

I understand your anxiety. Our first two are 5 months apart (adoption) and I was up to my nose in dealing with kids and when I found out I was pregnant with #3 I felt a little anxious. He was a big surprise as we didn't think we'd be able to have children at all--and now three.

Take it one day at a time--and yes like M says, HF does know us and will help/bless you as you adjust to your new family of five. You have darling kids and they will be a great help to you as well as will your DH.

I'm glad to hear you have a good support system.

Hang in there and good luck with the delivery and first weeks. I can't wait to hear about your new little one.

Love, Chalice

Nancy said...

I was really worried about PPD since I already struggle with depression. But after Jaron was born I was fine. I actually could feel the prayers of other people supporting me (Aaron was gone.) Heavenly Father will never leave you alone, like you said, you've got a great support system around you. Take advantage of it!

As for names, I'm all for staying out of the top 100 as well. Aaron and I couldn't agree on anything during my pregnancy... until one night I had a dream and found out Jaron's name. We both felt really good about it and loved the name. Strangly, my husband was named the same way, through a dream. I wish it could happen for everyone who struggles for that perfect name. Maybe pray for a great dream? Love ya and I hope the best for everything in the next month!

mindy said...

Thank you so much for your comments, all of you. Michelle, I read yours before bed last night and I went to bed feeling a great deal of comfort. I did have some good spiritual confirmations in the preparation for this pregnancy, and I think I'd kind of forgotten the peace I felt back then. Chalice & Nancy, thank you, also. It is nice to know that I'm not alone in my fears and struggles, and to hear of others who have been able to overcome fear and doubt. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences.

mindy said...

Oh, and Nancy, maybe I'll work on one of those dreams... that'd be awesome! My husband was actually named by a dream his father had, too.

Jillana said...

Mindy, you are one tough cookie with an amazing amount of energy and love in your heart. I have no doubt you will come through this a stronger person, even if you do have to go through some dark valleys. Being a mom is the scariest, most difficult thing I have ever done. Leaning on my friends and family keeps me sane. I also find a great deal of comfort by reminding myself of the mothers and grandmothers throughout all of history who carried heavier burdens. Guess its my version of a heavenly mother.
Many blessings and prayers for a safe and joyful labor and delivery.

mindy said...

Jill, thank you for your thoughts. I think you are right--thinking of the mothers and grandmothers of the past is very inspiring. And humbling. Thanks for that reminder.

Which reminds me--have you ever read the book "Mother Nature" by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy? It's awesome, and I think you'd appreciate it. She's an anthropologist and primatologist who has does a lot of research on "mothering" among different societies and different species of primates. It's probably one of my favorite books of all time.

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I'm interested to see how this labor/birth go. I'm not too worried about that aspect, at least. :o) I think my body has most of that part figured out by now, at least. Mostly my brain that gives me trouble!

Blue said...

being a child and now a wife have been the scariest and most difficult things i've ever done. i lucked out in the kid dept...they've been comparatively easy to deal with. i should add that i lucked out in the spouse dept. too, but that has come with unexpected twists and turns that i never anticipated having to roll with.

i think you have some rarer names right here in this list. chalice is pretty. never heard that one. how about bonnie? ;-) or even blue. ha!

names are easy. that'll come together when it needs to happen. keeping your head above water, well, i'm guessing that'll work out too. you never know what challenges are around the bend, but today they mentioned the oft quoted promise that we aren't burdened beyond our ability to function. if you'd been a fly on the wall of my life these past 3 months you might have questioned that claim's legitimacy, but i'm still here, so maybe it's true after all. and i'm still thinking of the cute mindy-girl i've never met but grown fond of. and still hoping things work out for your best good. ♥

Sydney said...

I personally haven't struggled with PPD but I've had some best friends who have so I can understand your apprehension. For me, doing the little things to help me get prepared made the world of difference. i made as many meals as i could fit into my freezer, we ate on paper plates for a few weeks to limit the dishes overload, I arranged with good friends for Gibson to have a few playdates throughout the week and I slept whenever possible. For me, those things were my saving grace. If I could shower and serve a hot meal to my family, I felt that I had accomplished something throughout the day and I was able to face a new day.

Do what works for you and your family and be prepared now to let some things go- whether it be your toilets, laundry or gourmet meals.

Most of all, if you feel yourself getting PPD, don't be afraid to ask for help and get help. Allow others to serve you so they too can get blessings.

Good luck in the coming weeks!

mindy said...

Blue & Sydney, thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. Sydney, I think that's a great suggestion to focus on - AND DO - what we can. It's too easy to get paralyzed by fear/worry and not even do the things that we are capable of.

Blue, I was thinking we did meet one time, at Maya's 1st birthday party. Am I mistaken? I wasn't particularly social as I had the two kidlets to keep entertained, but I thought I got to meet you at least in passing that night. I don't know what trials you've been dealing with lately, but I hope that you are moving towards a better place. I have enjoyed getting to know you, even if it has only been in the "land of make-believe." :o)

Thanks again, everyone. Great words of wisdom and comfort. I have to say that I am grateful to be part of such a sisterhood of strong women and mothers.

The Milton Family said...

Mindy, I can so relate to you. It is comforting to hear that other strong women have the same fears and anxiety I do. You will do great! I think the scariest part of PPD is not totally knowing what is going on, not to say it would be easier if you had to go through it again, but atleast you would know what it is and how to cope. Can't wait to hear all about the babe!
Ginny Milton

mindy said...

Thanks Ginny. I think you are right. After Spud, when I was going through the PPD, I didn't know what was going on. I really couldn't see outside the current desperation. So I think that there is some advantage to having gone through something like that already. I'll know not to let it drag on so long (should it happen again) before finding some solutions. Thanks for your thoughts and well wishes!

Debra said...

If it makes you feel better, I'll only be a few houses away and home during the day for awhile! How awesome is that! Don't ever let yourself become overwhelmed when you have so many people close by that love you.